Thursday, April 28, 2011

Still Incomplete As I Stand On My Feet

If you know me, you know I'm not all sunshine, puppies and butterflies.

So I must pay homage to my ghetto side: (Ghetto side you say?  I blame Coolio, Columbus, and those two Felons I dated)

I've put the same song with two different versions.  Of the two people that read this, I doubt you will listen to either.

Mary J. Blige- Someone to Love me (ft. Lil Wayne and Diddy)

Diddy- Someone to Love me (ft. Mary J. Blige)

It has finally happened.  I've spent enough time alone.  I've dealt with the crap for too long now. 

I don't like carrying 30 lbs of cat litter up three flights of steps, along with 8 rolls of paper towels and an umbrella.

Nor do I like painting an apartment with 18 foot ceilings by myself.

I don't like taking my dog out 3 times a day and for the past two weeks each and every time it's been raining.

I don't like going places I hate alone-  like the oil change place,car dealerships, or Wal-Mart.

I don't like experiencing fun things with my family and wishing I had someone to share it with.

I don't like when my dog seriously creeps me out by randomly growling at "something" in the hall way.

I don't like being alone and afraid at night.  (Little ghost girl has forever ruined me)

I just don't like it anymore.  It's old now. 

I've proven I can do it.  Now I'm done with it. 

The problem is not even all of these little reasons above combined to create some overwhelming sense of loneliness.  It's the fact that I'm seriously..beginning to hate pretty much- EVERYTHING else in life too.


I fear I'm becoming a bitter person intent on a self prophesizing goal of - DOOM.


I'm starting to hate things that I shouldn't hate.  Like-  getting up in the morning.Or- Brushing my hair. And- cleaning my house.

I want to make dinner for someone who will eat with me more than once in a blue moon.

I want to go see a movie with a man who will hold my damn hand.

I want to be looked at like I'm truly special.

I want someone to be there for me when I think my sister might be dead.

I want someone to love me enough to scoop the cat litter.

Damn it.


  1. First, let's not blame Coolio for anything.

    Secondly, This loneliness is also normal. Not wanting to change the cat litter is also normal. I felt this way too, I used to sit on my porch in Cleveland reading and watching people in the neighborhood with bitter resentment. So, I dealt with that, with loneliness as my companion, until I couldnt take it any more and Entertainment Value happened, followed by Ohio State Fan. Both of these were terrible so I gave up and decided being alone was better--- went to a New Years Eve party alone-- made some friends-- met Dave a month later.

    My point here is that things will happen when they are supposed to happen. Sitting, waiting wishing for the right thing (person) to happen isnt getting you anywhere but Bittertown. keep your chin up-- it's almost summer time. (kind of)

  2. Well.. I was sitting waiting wishing you believed in supersitions then maybe you'd see the signs.

    Lord knows that this world is cruel, and I ain't the lord no I'm just a fool, but loving someone don't make them love you.

    "Chin up cheerio"- got it.

  3. I often joke with Andrea that the whole reason her and I are together is because she needed someone to scoop & carry cat litter as well as pick up dog poop. From those two lowly tasks, my roles have expanded in both directions as well.
    It sucks to hear that you're lonely. It sounds as though you're confident and ready not to be, and I have faith that Mr. Right will come along. Given you're tastes in men, lets hope his wild side is something that will only kill himself, and (most of all) not hurt you and the rest of us. Try replacing criminal with, say, motocross rider, rock climber, or bungee jumper/skydiver.

  4. Thanks Dave. My sister is a lucky girl. I may find a way to include scooping cat litter into my maid of honor speech. Ha!

    Hmm.. non criminal motocross rider- good idea!

    Appreciate the input :)